I’ve always thought I never really did fit in a lot of crowds, amongst the ladies all looking prim, cute and “ladylike” I was always the one in my jeans and sneaks, no make-up, struggling to flow with a conversation I didn’t really understand. For a long time I got easily morose when I didn’t have people to talk to, I got to know a lot of songs through this, music did help, but it wasn’t the help I needed.
I moved through life in a haze, I was there but I really wasn’t, I spoke but I didn’t really mean it, I listened but I didn’t really hear, nothing seemed interesting or worthwhile, I skipped church a couple of times, didn’t read my Bible, didn’t pray (not like I was dedicated to begin with), basically I was spiraling.
It was going to end badly, people around me saw it, I was rude, moody and a lot of sad. I wanted to change, I wanted to be better, I knew I needed God, but I thought I was a mess, so I figured I’ll get myself together then go running to him, but then I never really could do it, I never felt good enough to be wanted or loved by him, so this circle went on for a while. I finally realised and understood I never really could be good enough, I relied on myself and that wasn’t enough, so I finally did what I should have done a long time ago, I ran to him and he caught me, welcomed me with love, filth and all and together we began the process of changing me.
During this period I got to learn something important, for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him, should not perish but have everlasting life. The only criterion for salvation is belief, belief in Christ, belief in the birth, death and resurrection of Christ, belief that sacrifice was for me, a personal bond to me.
I didn’t have to work on not being a mess, God saw me for who I was, loved me, gave me hope and daily I become better.
In this world you shall have trials and tribulations, but be of good cheer for God has overcome the world.
You Are Never Alone