It’s a vacuum, certainly feels like it; but I hear the whispers “you are not alone”, how does sound travel in a vacuum?
It’s a tunnel, closed on all sides with nothing but darkness; but wait, I see the light! how can this be?
It’s a desert, parched throats and sunken red eyes. Just a drop, all I ask is a drop, is that too much to ask for? I laughed derisively, of course, it’s too much, it’s a desert; suddenly, I hear the rippling of water, this shouldn’t be.
It’s cancer, eating through my brain, this isn’t me, or maybe it’s the new me, one thing is certain, I don’t recognize me anymore; He says he does, always has and always will.
It’s the bottom of the ocean, can’t breathe, fluid in my lungs, I am definitely drowning; only, I can now breathe and this suddenly feels like a dry ground, must be my Knight in waterproof armor.
It’s a pit, I am just so tired. I can’t claw or climb my way out, I suppose it finally caught up with me; what? the hallucinations must have started, that explains why I see a hand reaching out to me. why do I feel like I am being pulled out?
Finally, I will end it here. There’s a crowd, thousands of people surround me but I am lonely and alone as always, no one sees me; Except, I feel eyes on me. I turn to see him looking at me, or is he looking through me? maybe he is just looking into me, all too familiar I must say like he knows everything.
I recall the words “broken, depressed, useless, disgrace, ugly, suicidal, unworthy, filthy, unwanted, trash, empty, mistake” Yes, I should just end it. Is Mr strange following me? Of course, he is, and then he stretches forth his hands asking me to take it, to trust him, that everything will be just fine and that the end is not here.
“You haven’t the slightest idea all I have been through, how could you? You weren’t there” I say to him. How dare he? Did he just smile at me? Does he actually like me? If only he isn’t so attractive and tempting. Then he says”Through the desert, sickness, darkness, bottomless pit, ocean and vacuum, I have been with you and I will never leave nor forsake you”
All too soon I realize, he knows! must be my Knight in waterproof armor. I am so scared, he says he loves me, no one ever has. He says I am beautiful, no one ever has.
For the first time in forever, I smile. If I keep listening to him, I just may begin to recognize me, I may learn to smile more, I may even grow to like me. What have I got to lose? nothing. So I reach out and take his outstretched hands.
This feeling envelopes me, the feeling of being free, finally.
Written By – ADEYEMO DORCAS.