I Watched Porn

I watched porn for the first time.

It was a random night like any other, I was scrolling through my twitter TL when I came across a graphic. Now, I’m a very avid reader but with a very vivid imagination, so I try as much as possible to stay away from contents with erotic scenes or images because I know I’m very sensitive to them, I even muted such words on my social media so I wouldn’t come across them.  But as it turned out, one of my followers had retweeted said story and it looked interesting so I was captivated.

It started out fine, the writing isn’t so great I thought to myself but kept going, it turned out to be a very erotic book with dirty visuals and guess what? I couldn’t stop reading, I read it all I had awoken a beast in me and now it wasn’t satisfied.

That night, I ended up looking up videos I definitely shouldn’t have, reading things I never would have. I’m not even going to lie, it felt so good and I kept going deeper and deeper but also so wrong.

I was tempted, not by God but by my own desires (James 1:13-14 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed) And I fell but thankfully, my story doesn’t end here.

Did what happen, make me any less of a Christian? Any less of a believer? Thankfully, no, not in the slightest bit. How? Because, my salvation and who I am is independent of what I do or don’t do, it’s all about what Christ has done for me. After having the guts to put down my phone, I knew I had to rectify the damage I had done to myself else there’d be a lot of trouble in me, warring with myself day in, day out. I had taken in things I shouldn’t have and now I had them engraved in my mind, popping up at every chance.

Then I remembered Romans 12:1-2 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Renew my mind, that’s what I had to do. This post is for anyone like me who’s being in such dilemma or is currently stuck in something similar, this is to remind you, you’re not alone. I had once struggled with having sexual thoughts and crazy dreams but thanks to God, I was able to overcome by confessing who I am in Christ. One verse that helped me then and helped me again was Romans 3:22 (even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference;) which tells me I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

I had learned from my bible study to learn to make affirmations from the scriptures so from this one, this was and still is my confession “ I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus hence, I think righteous thoughts, I speak righteous words and I do righteous deeds” I confess this until I see a manifestation, I confess this when the dirty thoughts pop in my head, I confess this when I’m being tempted to do what I shouldn’t do and believe me when I say it works, God’s word works but it works when you believe it and confess it. It works when you agree with God and affirm who he says you are, the new creation you are, the justified and redeemed being you are.

I believe I’m being led to share this because knowing my kind of person, this is something I’d rather go with to the grave just because of how ashamed I felt. But I’m working through it, I’m not going to wallow in pity, shame or guilt, instead, I’m rising up even stronger and so can you.

All of this might seem exaggerated to someone else, what’s the big deal in pornography another might ask, it’s only a way to relieve sexual tension, right? But might I add, it only gives a temporary satisfaction, what it does is enslave the viewer, all it does is control and make you at the beck and call of your feelings and emotions which shouldn’t be.

What if you’re addicted already? I’m here to tell you it’s not too late to break free, it never is. What you need to do is reestablish a relationship with the Anchor, with your Father who loves you unconditionally, what you need is to accept who he’s made you to be and walk in it. Because of Christ, my story has and will always have a happy ending and so can yours

Feel free to reach out to DeAltar through our social media pages, send a DM, send us an email, whatever it is and we’d love to help in any way we can. Hey, remember, you are never alone.

Author: Anonymous.